Happy birthday to me
by echochaos
Summary: Ryou gets a birthday card form his father that sends him over the edge. He is comforted by Malik. I redid this fic.


**My dad sent me a birthday card today. The underlying message was that he wanted me to call him so he can send me my present. So I'm going to write something to take my mind off it. I'm listening to the song Liar liar by the Used, if you would like to hear the song; it goes alone with this fairly well.**

**Discalimer: If I owned Yugioh I would be very happy, but I don't own it.**

I woke up to a bang from upstairs. Those kids are always doing that. It's annoying. It was the afternoon already, so I knew I had to get up now. I sighed.

I had to check the mail. I didn't want to know if Father had sent me a letter or present, but I couldn't just not check the mail. Yugi was with his grandpa in Egypt on an expedition, as he called it, and he said he would be over-nighting a package to me for my birthday. So I was nervous and excited, but mostly I wished Yugi hadn't put himself through the trouble. He had told me after I told him, that it was his money and he could buy me a present if he wanted to. He had a pout in his voice and I could almost see him cross his arms. The memory brought a small smile to my face.

I rode down the elevator to the mailboxes; there was a lady with me. I kept my head down. I pulled out my keys and they fell to the floor from how much my hands were shaking. I got it to fit and turned. I found one letter. I looked at the return address. It was from father. I gulped. I don't know why but I felt like I owed him the courtesy of opening it, if not reading it. I slipped my key along the top and pulled the letter out. Something fell out and I picked it up. It was a candle, blue and white stripped.

My curiosity got the best of me. I read the back of the card.

I threw the letter on the ground and ran up all the stairs and slammed the door to my apartment. I sank to the ground in front of it. I will not cry. I will not cry. Tea! I'll get some tea! That will make me feel better.

I walked to the kitchen. I riffled trough the cupboards until I found my most special and favorite tea that I only drink on the days that are unbearable, my jasmine tea. I smiled at the bag, it smelled nice.

I turned to water on as hot as it went and waited for it to heat up. My mind was elsewhere.

Today was my 17th birthday. I was 17, but it didn't matter. Father was always in Egypt. He sent me a birthday card. He couldn't even call me on the phone, not that I want him to call. I can ignore it if he just called. I wouldn't feel so guilty. Why do I feel so guilty? He's the one who brought this upon himself. I don't want to care!

The card had a candle on the inside. Blue's my favorite color. How had he known? He had never cared before. My chest hurt so much from holding back the tears.

I don't have to read the card; I already know what it would say. It would say something along the lines of how he's so sorry things had to turn out this way. That he so wishes that he could be there for me. I didn't want to feel sorry for him, I didn't want to forgive him, but it's so hard! I love him and no matter what he has done it can't change. I wish I could stop. I would hurt less. He was there in my earliest memories. He was gone a lot even then, but he's there. Everyone else from those memories are gone, but Father's still kinda there. Did I want him there, though?

I couldn't help but read the back. It said how if I put the candle on my cake it would be like he was there with me.

I threw my cup on the floor and watched it shatter. I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! Why won't he just say that he has no intention of ever seeing me again so I can finally move on? I want to move on! I can't keep doing this! It's killing me!

I watched as the cup shattered. I hadn't realized that it had been dad's favorite cup and regretted the uncharacteristic show of anger. He was going to be so mad, but I don't care. I hate him, right. Right?

I fell to my knees. I felt the sharp pieces dig into my knees, but I didn't care. The pain hopefully would distract me. Maybe if the pain was bad enough everything else would be overshadowed.

It didn't help. I gripped myself around the middle and sobbed. I felt like I was dying inside. Every time he comes back into my life he kills me a little more. I wish he would leave me alone. I don't want to do this anymore, its killing me. He's killing me. Doesn't he realize? Of course he does.

I was hysterical. I felt hot suddenly. I felt something inside me change slightly. Like something was moving around inside. I knew at once what it was, but I didn't care anymore. I wanted him to take over. Maybe I can distract myself in my soul room. Maybe he'll beat me and the feeling will stop when I slip into unconsciousness. One could only hope.

_/Ryou would you shut the hell up! Fuck kid, I was sleeping!/_

"I don't care!" I screamed at my darkness. Nothing matters. Nothing at all. I don't care how mad he gets. I want him to take control so I can be free for today. I'll make him mad enough. It's not too hard. I can just keep yelling. Then he will have to punish me. Please punish me! I don't want a birthday! I hate my birthday!

_/Watch yourself, Yadonushi. I should punish you for your outburst./_

"Yes, please! Make the pain stop! Please make it stop!" I was sobbing again and was still screaming at him.

_/Wow, this is a first. You wanting me to take control, but it seems that you could see it as me helping you. I don't want that, now do I? Your punishment will be to have to deal with this by yourself./_

"No! Come back! I don't want this! Please come back!" I yelled at nothing. I could feel that Bakura was already gone. I sobbed on the floor for a while longer, before I got up. It was inevitable. I had to move on.

I put my unfeeling mask on and when to the closet to get a broom and dust pan. I swept up my mess and wiped up the blood. I noticed it only then.

I walked to my bedroom to get new jeans and clean the cuts. They were shallow, so it only took about five minutes. I put on a pair of sweats instead of new jeans. I didn't feel like jeans today.

I brought the bloody jeans back to the kitchen. They only had a few spots of blood, but I can't were bloody jeans. I poured some oxyclean into a bucket with water. Waited for it to dissolve and soaked my jeans in it.

I decided then to clean the whole kitchen since I was already wiping the floor.

I pulled out the mop and another bucket. I turned on my CD player/radio. I pushed play and flipped through the songs. I got this CD from Jonouchi. He said they might be a little heavy for me, but he didn't know of my other CDs. I am a rock person and everyone is always so surprised by it. The song titled Lair lair started with a siren and I turned it up. No one can complain about my music being to loud during the day, so I didn't care.

I was scrubbing an already spotless sink when I heard the door bell ring.

"Coming!" I called.

I threw the towel in the sink with unnecessary force and turned off the radio. I checked in the hallway mirror to see if the mask was still in place.

The smile even reached my eyes in my desperation not to feel anything. My eyes weren't even puffy and red anymore. I wonder how long I had been cleaning. I nodded satisfied and went to open the door.

I pulled the door open and a blond flew on top on me, tackling me to the floor. I heard giggling and a cry of, "Surprise!"

The human cannonball rubbed their face in my hair and made to get off of me. He was still giggling and I could see tan skin and the blond hair. It was Malik. Oh god, why was he here? I didn't want him to see me like this.

I just sat there, looking at my hands. I wasn't up for this. I really wasn't. Malik hugged me again and said, "Happy Birthday, Ry."

I kept looking down until I was sure the mask was in place. I looked up and smiled at my friend, "Thank you for coming over."

I opened my eyes and saw that Malik was giving me a strange look. I got worried, but hid that along with everything else. I kept smiling. Marik looked concerned and was eyeing the Ring. I hadn't realized it was outside my clothes. Oh well.

He was hugging me again in an instant. He had my head cradled against his chest. I was frozen in surprise. Had he seen through my mask? Malik is so good at that. I had forgotten. My mask never fools him. Why not? I don't want any comfort. I deal with my pain myself. I can't let others see me like this and especially not Malik.

My mask crumbled and I sobbed into his arm. It was nice, I didn't feel so alone and abandoned anymore. I wanted to stay in Malik's strong arms forever. I didn't want this feeling of belonging to go away.

Malik pushed me away and grabbed my chin. He made me look straight into his lavender eyes. I knew my brown eyes were puffy and I felt embarrassed yet again that he had to see me this way. I could barely see him for all the tears. I couldn't smile any more. I couldn't compose myself. I was helpless.

"What did _he_ do this time, Ry?" Malik asked. I knew he was talking about Bakura. I shook my head, hair wet from tears. Damn, long hair, it always got in the way, but I like it. I could never cut it all off. Mother had liked it long.

"Ba-bakura d-d-didn't d-do anything," Malik looked at me, doubt clear on his face. It's not like I hadn't lied to him about this kind of thing in the past. He also had once worked alongside Bakura and knew what he was like. I didn't want anyone to know when he took over. It made me feel even more helpless.

I smiled a small smile, a true one. I wanted to show Malik how happy I was for his caring, but that for once Bakura hadn't caused my tears. I reached out and hugged Malik. He hugged me back and I felt safe again. I always feel safe in his arms. It was so strange of a feeling and it warmed me up.

"Ry, what happened?" I tensed slightly in his arms. He deserved an explanation. I should have expected that. He wasn't going to think I'm pathetic and push me away. He won't. He can't. I don't want to lose Malik too. I remembered what Bakura had done, though not much of it. What he had done around and to Malik and he hadn't turned on me yet. It's hard having friends with Bakura around. I pretend that I had gotten rid of the Ring. That's the only reason Yugi's gang is around. Yugi was my friend before I had started the whole getting rid of the Ring thing. He and Malik are my only friends that won't leave me easily. Or at least I hope they won't, but I don't know.

I took a deep breath and was surprised how steady my voice was, "Father sent me a card today. I-i know it's pathetic to be this hysterical over it, but I can't help it. Please Malik don't leave me!" I shouted the end. I closed my eyes tight. I didn't want to know what would happen next. I don't want Malik to leave. I don't want to lose him.

I was pulled back into a hug and I felt a kiss on my forehead. Just a light brush of skin and lips, nothing more. Nothing to suggest anything more. It made me a little sadder. Malik had no idea.

"Why would I leave, Ry?" he asked softly.

I just shook my head. I couldn't talk. I don't understand what's going on. No one wants to be around me when I cry. They all scatter, even when I need them. They always scatter and I don't blame them.

He rubbed my back, "Father's are assholes, Ry. Don't worry about them, just remember this and be a better one to your own kids."

I sobbed again. I forgot about Malik's father. He had been worse than mine before Marik had killed him. I secretly thought he deserved what he got, but it hurt Malik so deeply. Marik was insane, but…. I don't know if he did it to help Malik or to hurt him. Malik was always after his father's approval. I was like that not so long ago, but we all must enter reality someday. No one is there when you need them.

I looked into Malik's face. Maybe, just maybe I'm wrong, I thought hopefully. Maybe Malik with be there. I know I will be there for him. I want to be there for him.

"Thank you," I whispered and Malik held me as I cried.

**I revised this. I hope it's better now. A lot of people had looked at it and it was choppy and undisruptive. I wanted to attempt to make it of better quality. Well, I tried. I don't know if I succeeded. **


End file.
